am I the only one who goes through this?

Your wife is just dumb....

“Women are constantly patting themselves on the back for how difficult their lives are and no one corrects them because they want to fuck ‘em”.

—Bill Burr

This is the type of guy that thinks when his wife says no to anal, she means no. I have been married for 35 yrs. It works like this. Let the bitch take care of herself. Better to ask for forgiveness than to have to ask permission.