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Hello :)
Things I learned the hard way...
Good news: I just invented a golf ball that will go right in the hole if it's within four inches of it!
Bad news: Don't carry it in your pants pocket, like I did.
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If you are petting a small dog in your lap, it is important to let everyone else in the Zoom meeting know what you are doing with your hand.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for eight years. Last night she told me she had been faking her orgasms every time we had sex.
I can't believe she lied to me -- not once, but twice.
We can all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct to, ‘Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?’
My girlfriend uses promises of sex to get little jobs done around the house.... so the plumber tells me.
Last week I was at the supermarket, walked up to a woman, stared at her ample chest and said "44 double-d."
She gave me a hard slap across the face and said, "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
My response was "Then why would you wear a t-shirt that says 'Guess?'
Somewhere out there, someone is so miserable with their life, they hate the fact that someone can do something better then they will ever do, and so they hate on them, and leave that 1 negative comment. Must suck being bald fat and ugly.
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Hello :)
Things I learned the hard way...
Good news: I just invented a golf ball that will go right in the hole if it's within four inches of it!
Bad news: Don't carry it in your pants pocket, like I did.
==
If you are petting a small dog in your lap, it is important to let everyone else in the Zoom meeting know what you are doing with your hand.
==
My girlfriend and I have been dating for eight years. Last night she told me she had been faking her orgasms every time we had sex.
I can't believe she lied to me -- not once, but twice.
==
We can all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct to, ‘Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?’
==
My girlfriend uses promises of sex to get little jobs done around the house.... so the plumber tells me.
==
Last week I was at the supermarket, walked up to a woman, stared at her ample chest and said "44 double-d."
She gave me a hard slap across the face and said, "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
My response was "Then why would you wear a t-shirt that says 'Guess?'
Somewhere out there, someone is so miserable with their life, they hate the fact that someone can do something better then they will ever do, and so they hate on them, and leave that 1 negative comment. Must suck being bald fat and ugly.